Overcoming your scars
The effects of our scars are undeniably real, and we carry them with us throughout our entire lives. I’ve been fortunate enough to get to know many incredible people and listen to their unique stories. Some tales are filled with laughter and warmth, while others are deeply touching and profoundly sad. I didn’t quite realize just how much my own scars affected me until very recently. On one hand, I thought maybe I was a little crazy, yet on the other hand, I figured that God made me this way for a reason. However, the truth lies somewhere in the middle; I might be a tad crazy, yes, God certainly had a hand in shaping me, but I am also a product of my own unique journey. Without diving into the details of my past again, I will share that feeling secure is something I have never truly experienced. I’m not referring to financial stability or the fear of an intruder breaking into my home. I am talking about that profound sense of safety and comfort a person experiences when they are at home, surrounded by their loved ones, and covered in complete peace and tranquility. I may not even be adequately describing it, as I’ve never felt it myself. I’ve never found that sense of security in my home, in a relationship, or even at a job, where I felt a lasting assurance that this could be mine my whole life. Everything, to me, feels temporary and fleeting. The homes I’ve live in felt short term. The relationships I’ve been in felt as though they wouldn’t last. The jobs I’ve held made me wonder just how long I’d be able to stay. I am fully aware of my feelings and the reasons behind them, but I don’t quite know how to correct this sense of insecurity. As a result, I find myself constantly planning my next steps, just in case this or that happens. I am always prepared for the unexpected.
I know a woman who grew up with absolutely no food in the house at all. She always had to search tirelessly for her next meal, running from one place to another just to find something to eat. Her parents spent their time gambling and drinking heavily, which ultimately meant that their money vanished far too quickly. Now, as a thriving adult, her food pantry resembles a small grocery store, filled to the brim with all sorts of food. She has food stashed everywhere: in the kitchen cupboards, in their shed, and even in any and every closet in their house. Still, she carries the deep, emotional scar of not being fed as a child, which pushes her to go to great lengths to ensure that her family never feels that emptiness. She often goes overboard, preparing extravagant meals for her loved ones, making sure to feed the neighbors, and even whipping up snacks for all the kids in the neighborhood. How do you overcome something like that? Is this behavior bad or unhealthy? Despite it all, her life hasn’t changed too much. She pays her bills on time, enjoys family vacations, and keeps her home stocked with enough supplies to get by comfortably. But I can’t help but imagine the sheer anxiety she must feel if she opens her pantry one day and suddenly realizes that she is completely out of a certain product. Can you envision watching someone have a meltdown just because they are out of crackers? To us, that might seem amusingly trivial, but for her, it's a deeply frightening experience, and that thought alone makes me feel sad.
Another beautiful woman I’ve thoroughly enjoyed getting to know grew up in a home with a mother who had the highest expectations imaginable. Her mother consistently drilled into her head that outer beauty alone was the golden ticket to success in life. If she gained even a little weight, her mother warned, a man would never love her, companies wouldn’t dream of hiring her, and she wouldn’t have any friends to rely on. This pressure led her to develop a severe eating disorder during her challenging teenage years, and she was even hospitalized for it due to the severity of the situation. Now as an adult, she continues to struggle with her self-image and perception of worth. She diligently follows various diets, constantly depriving herself of delicious sweet treats and savory foods that many of us enjoy. Throughout the day, she sticks to a strict regimen of eating just veggies, allowing herself only one small, carefully chosen meal. She has bought into and tried every “turn the clock back” product out there, each of which promises to make you look younger and more vibrant. I find her to be one of the kindest, most sincere, and genuinely honest women I’ve ever met. In my eyes, she is truly stunning, and it has absolutely nothing to do with her looks. The image she carries of herself, I believe, is completely distorted and deeply influenced by the scars she bears, a painful reminder of the messages her mother drilled into her during her formative years, which is just so cruel and profoundly sad.
It’s not just the visible scars we carry from our childhood experiences. Think for a moment about the deep, invisible scars that a person carries after being sexually assaulted—those wounds often remain hidden but can affect every aspect of their life. Consider the heartache of someone who discovers they were just cheated on, shattering their trust and leaving a profound emotional impact. Then, reflect on the physical and emotional abuse that countless people endure at the hands of those who are supposed to love and protect them. And let’s not overlook the haunting images and situations that our brave military personnel and first responders must bravely face on a daily basis, often pushing their own emotional limits. I mean honestly, I could go on and on about the many forms of pain we encounter. So, what’s my point, you ask? Well, I’m not entirely sure what my point is, but maybe it’s simply this: we should all strive to be more considerate of one another’s struggles. Perhaps we should be more open and honest with each other, sharing our experiences and showing that it’s obvious we need one another as we navigate this challenging journey called life.
I guess my main point here is to really talk these things out in an open and honest way. We all have scars, both visible and invisible, that tell our personal stories. We’ve all, at some point, inadvertently caused scars to another person, either through our words or actions. Some of us have developed anger issues as a direct result of those scars, while others might find themselves obsessing or overcompensating in one or more areas of our lives because of the pain we've experienced. As for me, well, I’m busy planning my next journey when I am faced to once again, pick up and start over.
CL
