I never saw it coming….

We were happy. Like any couple, we had the usual marital challenges that life threw our way. We had a beautiful family, and we built this wonderful life together, piece by piece. These were the thoughts racing through my mind as I began the process of packing my belongings, all because my husband no longer wanted to be my husband. We had invested twenty-three years of our lives together, filled with laughter and shared dreams. We raised our children, bought our house, pooled our finances together, and surrounded ourselves with the same close friends. I couldn't help but wonder how I had been so blind to miss the signs of his unhappiness. Every single morning, he would give me a kiss goodbye before heading off to work. He came home around the same time each night. Sure, we didn’t manage to fit in many date nights, and we often chose to skip church for a bit of extra sleep. Although we didn't argue, and our laughter echoed through our home, I questioned whether we were truly connecting on a deeper level.

My husband woke me up one Saturday morning, and told me, quite unexpectedly, that he was moving out. At first, I thought he was joking, but within mere seconds, I realized he was being very real. I was utterly stunned and completely speechless, feeling as though the ground had shifted beneath my feet. After the initial shock wore off, I managed to ask him why he felt this way, to which he simply responded, “I’m not happy.” My mind raced with questions: What happened? Was there someone else? What did I do wrong? I had poured my love into our home, cleaned and cooked for our family. I had a job and did my part in contributing to our finances. So I couldn’t understand, why was he choosing to leave me? None of his answers provided any clarity or comfort; they only deepened my confusion. He swore there was no one else. He insisted that he was just unhappy, and somehow, leaving me was the solution to his unhappiness.

I tried to use every possible angle at my disposal—our home, our children, our faith, and our friends. What would they all say about our situation. Yet, despite them all, none of it seemed to matter, and he ultimately chose to leave. As expected, our family, friends, and our children were completely shocked by this. No one saw this coming, and no one had any inkling that he was unhappy. Over the next couple of months, we continued to communicate, and sometimes I even felt a flicker of hope that we might be able to reconcile, but nothing blossomed into anything meaningful. We even found ourselves being intimate with each other, but instead of bringing clarity, it only left me feeling more confused. I began to feel like a terrible wife, burdened with guilt. How had I been so oblivious to my husband's unhappiness? He was not just my partner; he was my best friend, and in the end, I let him down. With each passing day, I fell deeper into depression, consumed by thoughts of what I could have done differently. I was at a loss, yet I couldn't shake the feeling that a life without him was simply unimaginable. Deep down, this felt like it was my fault.

He eventually asked for a divorce, and I reluctantly gave it to him, realizing that it was the best course of action for both of us. We put the house on the market, and to my surprise, it sold pretty quickly, indicating a fresh start was indeed possible. We split our assets and went our separate ways, each seeking our new paths. It took hours of therapy, girls' nights filled with laughter and ice cream to truly recognize that the crumbling of our marriage wasn’t all on my shoulders. I didn’t see his unhappiness because he didn’t want to me to see it. Unfortunately, we lost our connection, and instead of voicing his feelings to me, he chose to bury them deep within and eventually leave. While I acknowledge that I am to blame for some of our disconnection, I never gave up on trying to make things better. During that challenging time, I mistakenly connected my worth entirely to being his wife, and after he left me, I felt utterly worthless. Thankfully, I don’t feel that way anymore. I was a good wife, and he was a good husband in many regards, but he ultimately let our marriage down by not speaking up and working through our issues together. It's okay now; I’m not dating yet, and I’m far from that stage of my life. But through it all, I’ve realized and embraced my true worth, which shines within me.

I chose to share my journey because I have seen and heard far too many times of people blaming themselves for the unhappiness of others around them. The truth is, no one can be entirely responsible for another person's happiness. Yes, we may contribute to it by being good, caring individuals to them, but ultimately, each person is responsible for cultivating their own happiness. Each of us has the crucial responsibility of speaking up and speaking out to those around us when we have a need. You know the saying, “You can’t fix what you don’t know is broken,” right? It’s a gentle reminder that awareness is key in our interactions and relationships.

Kitty