How is it possible to let go and forgive

When I’ve shared my story with others about growing up and the various chapters in my life, I am often asked how I am able to let go of past grievances and forgive so easily. I’ve taken the time to think about this question several times, and I find myself pondering what the true answer might be. It's probably a combination of several factors that play into it. First and foremost, I am a firm believer in God, my Lord and Savior. How can I expect Him to forgive me for my wrongdoings if I can’t extend the same grace to others who have hurt me? I suppose another important reason is that I was raised by my God-fearing and devoted Grandparents, who instilled in me the importance of understanding different perspectives. They taught me to contemplate all angles in a given situation: Where is this person coming from? What place is their heart in as they approach me? Yet, the simple truth is that I am human and have certainly messed up a lot along the way. I am sincerely grateful when others can find it in their hearts to forgive me. And lastly, who really wants to carry the heavy burden of anger? It is so heavy and painful, weighing us down when all we really want is to feel peace.

Many have heard me say, “People are messy.” And oh boy, we sure are! We are complicated individuals, brimming with a wide array of emotions, all driven by our unique experiences and diverse walks of life. Some of us have mastered the art of holding our emotions close, carefully tucked away, while others wear their hearts on their sleeves like a badge. We truly are a mixed breed of compassion, empathy, madness, fear, sorrow, hate, love, envy, greed, entitlement, and, of course, generosity. It’s sometimes downright crazy to think about how we manage to get along so well amidst all this chaos. Yet, in many instances, we don’t quite manage it at all. We’re all just a bunch of wonderfully quirky weirdos on a quest to find our kind of fellow weirdo to navigate this wild journey of life together.

I am probably a bit off the subject here, but talking about the important themes of letting go and forgiveness takes me on an emotional journey of its own. As I’ve previously stated, I often reflect on how I am able to let go and forgive, while also acknowledging that I have stated how “messy and emotional” all of us truly are beneath the surface. So, my question is: How does a person really let go and fully forgive another individual? In my opinion, those who have not yet found it within themselves to let go or forgive might be stuck in their own heads, perhaps focused solely on their own feelings and grievances. Instead, they could start by considering the perspective of the other person involved. Sure, that other person might just be an outright asshole, but what if they aren’t as bad as they seem? Maybe they are dealing with their own hurt inside? Perhaps they are feeling incredibly stressed or overwhelmed? I am certainly not saying that they have the right to go around hurting others, but sometimes, as I’ve mentioned before, people aren’t able to effectively tuck their feelings away inside. Sometimes we unintentionally end up causing harm to others. Yes, of course, there are those times when it happens on purpose, but in my world, I like to believe that we tend to hurt others more often by accident than with deliberate intention.

So if you want to genuinely try and let go of past grievances and forgive others, maybe you could consider giving my method a sincere try. Take a moment to really try and see things from the other person's angle and perspective. Once you are able to do that with a true sense of empathy, you can begin to understand where they are coming from and what place their heart is truly in. You may not completely agree with their perspectives or even their methods of emotional expression, but it is certainly possible to reach a stage of mutual respect where you can embrace the idea of “agreeing to disagree.” This understanding fosters a sense of compassion and acceptance towards one another, allowing for a deeper connection despite your differences. And if they turn out to just be an asshole, well, forgive and let go anyway. Clearly, it is not worth carrying the heavy burden of anger and pain for someone who does not deserve it, like an asshole.

CL